The Agony and the Ecstasy

Ahh the moment you have been waiting for is here. The children you have been caring for are going to their forever home, either to the parents or a relative or perhaps to strangers willing to adopt. Whatever the case may be, the longer the child has been with you, the harder it is to let them go. This is the day you have been looking forward to for them, and yet, there is this urge to hold onto them.

I would say that one if the most often questions I am asked is "how can you just give them back?" honestly, up until recently, I had no problem giving them back to where it is God had placed them forever. I mean seriously, I have a 21 year old living in my home that I raised by myself, the thought of doing THAT again is NOT appealing. However, I find myself wondering these days why I had such a hard time letting go of the last two. Is is because I had them so long? Or did I miss God's direction? I pray it was because I had them so long, and here is why I believe that to be true.

Even now, as Wendy travels at this moment with her child that she has had for 2 years, I am crying at my desk. These kids become such a part of our lives, that even though she is going to be with a relative where I am sure she will be very happy, and I am happy for her, it hurts my heart. I know those of you that know me, think I do not cry much, and that is true. But these kids...they wrentch my heart out sometimes.

I think part of it is the ones that need us the most, are the hardest to let go of, even in the best of circumstances. They come to us so broken, so emotionally desolate. Like a rose that has been trampled on and crushed under the weight of their parents bad choices. We take them into our lives, teach them, model Godly behavior for them, watch them grow, learn healthy attachments and learn what unconditional love is. When they leave, I believe a small piece of us goes with them.

Why do you keep doing it you ask? Well, I know with all my heart and soul God has asked me to. I want to be obedient to my Savior. I want His will be done, not mine. The more lives I can touch for His kingdom, the better off we will all be.