Didn't see it coming

Sometimes I wonder about my sanity in this foster care world. I mean, now I have a 2 year old, a one year old and a one week old...who signs up for that! It will be an interesting time, no doubt about it.

You may be wondering what time it was that I wondered about my sanity...well the time when you ask yourself, what am I doing and why am I doing it? Is this really part of your plan God, or am I some kind of pathetic foster mom. As I am getting up every 2-3 hours in the middle of the night is when these things occur to me and I think, wow, am I doing His plan or following my own agenda? Sometimes I wonder. From somewhere I feel Him tell me it is right...almost a whisper and I feel peace. I am able to get up in the morning and do what needs to be done. I feel a little tired, but I know that He can carry me through and I take ahold of that and don't let go. As for the why...that is simple, to be the lamp unto their feet as He has called me to do.

So here I sit at my desk wondering again what I was thinking. All I know is that God has a plan and if I keep driving on His road and listening to His directions of where to turn, stop and accelerate, then there is no dead end for me, only my final destination next to Him. Some days, that is all I have to hang on to.....

Monday Monday

Well today I was one of the people I love to hate, as embarassing as it is. I lead a crazy life of running. There is always something to do or somewhere to go. Today was no exception! At work there was a crew installing new windows, a crew installing a new carport roof, a crew digging for new paver stones, a crew doing remodels on units, a crew painting the buildings and then regular maintenance things. Then the digging crew hit the gas line....wow what a mess. Not only then did I have all those workers, but now I have to shut off everyone's gas. Now can I tell you that I had SO many people calling me telling me that their stoves were not working. I had to laugh. You get the idea of my crazy day. I went to pick up my foster daughter at 6p.m. and decided to get a little grocery shopping done since my foster baby was with his parents. We are taking it easy inside the store just trying to unwind while I shop, buying baby food and some stuff for the nights dinner. I get into line and start loading onto the belt and I hear this man behind me grumble about people getting into this line with more than 15 items. I instantly felt my face flush as I stood straight up and looked at the aisle I was in. Sure enough, I had done it. I was now one of the people I loved to hate. In my complete dazed state, I had gotton into the express lane with my 25-30 items, mostly baby food. I instantly began to apologize and frantically tried to look around for a solution. His only comment was, " well you are already here now." I felt REALLY bad. How could I be so in la la land that I was inconsiderate of others around me? Then, as my face was still burning red with embarassment, it hit me as I walked to the car. How many times are we so involved in our own world that we miss the divine opportunities God presents to us? All I had to do was look up from my own life to see the BIG white sign that said Express Lane 15 items or less. Sometimes we become so enveloped in our own problems and what we have going on that we forget the master plan He has. That plan is to save sinners. They are all around us all we have to do is look up from our own plans to follow His plan. Oh, and don't forget to bring your umbrella ;)

Bring Your Umbrella

It was missions week for our church this past week. What an awesome time to realize that there is more going on than just each of our own little lives. Mike Carman delivered a great sermon for everyone, but something really struck me to the core.

When you pray, do you bring your umbrella? What do I mean by that, well I mean when you pray, do you expect God sized results? I think too often we pray for something or someone and don't really expect anything to happen. It got me thinking, what is the purpose of prayer if there is no faith to go along with it? I am often in charge of closing prayer for different group I am involved in, so I have the honor and priviledge to bring to the Lord everyones requests. He constanly amazes me with answered prayer, but sometimes, I will admint, it feels a bit like just goin through the motions. All that changed for me after hearing what the Lord wanted me to know through Mike. I just kept thinking of that phrase all day long...did you bring your umbrella? I believe that most of us do not, including myself. Last night in our support group for foster and adoptive children, we had a prayer request time. After everyone had shared, I closed and brought forth all the requests that had been made. By the time I had finished, everyone, including me, was in tears. The passion and faithfulness that I felt during this time was surreal. I truely felt His presences during this time, as if He was leaning over near me with His hand on my shoulder. Everyone was pouring out emotion from their hearts for not only their request, but the others around them, coming together as one to beseech the Lord for intervention and expecting God sized results. It was not a matter of oh hey can you make this happen, it was tearful and heart wrenching prayer for what we were asking our God to do. I will forever change the way I pray after hearing that sermon and how I felt during that time when I was praying for the group. When 300 people show up to gather for a prayer meeting to end a drought and only one small child shows up with an umbrella, there is a problem with your prayer expectations. So I ask you...when you prayed, did you bring your umbrella?

The Learning Curve

In August of 2008, the property I managed was finally sold to new owners as well as a new management company after being on the market for close to 2 years. It was a very stressful and anxious time for me. I did not know if I would have a job and if not, then where to live as my home was tied to my employement. It was a long 2 years of uncertainty and wondering. I tried to be faithful and trusting, but that human side just kept coming out. Try as I would to let God have it, I would find myself with it right back in my lap. I remember the day the new company took over how overwhelemed and alone I felt, but God knew the plans he had for me. Don't get me wrong, everyone was so nice and understanding at the new company, but when you have worked for the same company for 14 years, it is hard to switch gears, even when you are not happy in your current situation. It is hard to tune out Satan's taunts when you are surrounded by them in the work place.



Not only did the new company hire my staff on in August, but I also won an all expense paid, 7 day Princess cruise to the Mexican Riviera for myself and a guest! The property has never looked better, and I am happy at the job I have been doing for 15 years now. This company makes me feel like they care about not only the property I manage for them, but me the person. They care about what I am doing and how I can be a better me.



God continues to use this situation to show me His uncompromising faithfulness to me. He used every opportunity to ease my pain and fill me with His peace once I let Him have it all. At a time in my life filled with such uncertainty for such a long period of time, and all I had to do was let Him carry me through it. Once I truely gave it to Him, I felt such peace.


Today, as I have returned from the cruise with my best friend Wendy, I am reflecting on those days and days of wondering what would happen to me. I needed only to read Jeremiah 29:11,



For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future."



How awesome to know that He not only has plans for me, but that I will prosper and not be harmed. He knows what we need and when we need it! All those days of worry wasted. For He says in Matthew 6:27,



Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?

The cruise was fabulous a a blessing in itself for 2 foster parents needing a break to just be. Wendy and I just enjoyed the days watching people, talking, sleeping and of course eating. We were able to see a part of the world that we would not have seen or experienced otherwise. Again, He knew what we needed and when we would need it AND gave it to us. It was a time to re-charge for the next battles He wold have us fight at home, new callenges He would have us overcome.

What a blessing it has all been. I would not trade one day. It is all part of His plan for my life to help further His kingdom and reach His people. I now not only read the bible, but internalize it. Trying to pull forth His power in my life by recalling the scripture I read. Reading it isn't enough, you need to BELIEVE it and LIVE it.

Looking Back to Go Forward

So as I read other people's blogs, I begin to wonder why I don't have one. So here it goes.



It is an incredible experience to look over your shoulder and see where God placed you in order to get you where he wanted you to be in this very moment of your life. I truely believe I would not have believed anyone who would have told me that the events in my life in the last 2 years would be taking place. I am certain that I would have laughed at them and thought they were crazy, but God knew.



I am amazed every time I think of what He has let me be a part of. The people I have met, the lives I have touched and the lives that have touched me. Who am I that He would have me do something so great fro Him? I am an ordinary woman whom God called to do extrodinary things for His glory.



At work they asked us where we saw ourselves in 5 years. I pondered this for quite sometime and came to the conclusion that I don't know. I never thought I would be where I am, so how can I know what He has planned for me in the next 5 years?! I was a woman who did not pray out loud and now weekly close the bible study I co-lead in prayer. I had a daughter going to college and thought I would be traveling the world and now I have fostered 7 children in 2 years. I was a woman who had a fear of public speaking and now I have spoken about foster care on at least 5 occasions to audiences of strangers. The growing and stretching I have experienced is incredible to me. I look around and wonder how I got here, but I know how, God carried me because I could not do it alone. He provided a village of people to love and support me through everything. I am excited to see what he has planned for me next.