The Thrill

So I get a call from my best friend and she says to me, "we need babysitters for Saturday night." I tell her "okay", and wonder what has she signed me up for now? For those of you that know us, you will understand that statement. She then proceeds to tell me that we are going to the Toby Mac and Brandon Heath concert!!! We won a contest from The Fish radio station. It takes a minute for this information to actually sink in and register as I did not recall entering a contest. "I told our story of how God put us together and they picked us" she tells me excitedly. Now I am freaking out a little bit as I go online and check it out. Sure enough, there we are on Lara Scott's page as the winners with the entry Wendy sent in. WOW!! Not only do we have backstage passes to the concert, but we get to have dinner with Lara Scott. JACKPOT!!!

We arrived and got to hang out backstage watching things get ready for the night. Lara Scott and her husband came over and we took pictures and talked, just chillin together. Then they took us in for a meet and greet with the VIP ticket holders. There Toby Mac came out and talked, answered questions and sang a few tunes for all of us. It was time for us to go under the stage and eat dinner together with Lara, her husband and friend as well as the production company. It was great food with lots of choices and good conversation with everyone. I very much enjoyed spending time getting to know them and sharing our stories with them.

As we were leaving, in walked Toby Mac...SO COOL!!! We talked with him for a few, snapped a few pictures and got a couple of autographs for the nephews ;) Yes, I did try to get him to adopt some more kids after I learned he had 5 children, 2 of which were adopted. C'mon, you have met me, you knew I would! It was a very awesome few minutes to spend with him.

We left there and were backstage again and up walked Big Wave Dave with his 2 children. How fun that we also got to meet him again (we went to his graduation from HOPE...well actually we were there for Joe Barsha, but BWD graduated too).

It was time to go in and take our seat for the fabulous show to start!!! The energy and the music from everyone there was incredible. Life changing I would say. Such an experience to be able to rock out, sing, dance, and cheer but then have the artist read from his bible and encourage the unsaved that God has a plan for them. They left me wanting more and I vowed to go to more concerts after that night.

It was not only a lot of fun as two good friends, Alena and Phil, had purchased tickets and were there, but it was inspiring, refreshing and renewing for me. God always lets me know when I am feeling like I can not do anymore that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I felt His presence there, I felt Him speaking to me through the songs, letting me know that I am doing what He is asking and to keep going.

The one song that I felt such a connection to was when Brandon Heath sang the following chorus:

Give me your eyes for just one second

Give me your eyes so I can see

Everything that I keep missing

Give me your love for humanity

Give me your arms for the broken hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach

Give me your heart for the once forgotten

Give me your eyes so I can see

Yes, those words were meant for me. I needed those words on that night, at that moment to remember why I do what I do and what it is really about, because it is not about me or my plans, but about His kingdom and reaching the lost in His name.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Do you wonder why you have to,

feel the things that hurt you,

if there's a God who loves you,

where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see

and all those things are happening

to bring a better ending

some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling, it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends

and you know where you're going,

you just don't know how you get there

so just say a prayer and hold on,

cause there's good who love God,

life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,

but you'll see the bigger picture

once you feel the way of glory,

all your pain will fade to memory

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the hurt before the healing

the pain you've been feeling,

just the dark before the morning

Ahh....thank you Josh Wilson for putting all those thoughts and feelings to a song. I love it, it helps me remember I am not in charge and all things in His perfect timing and that He does have great things in store for those that love Him.

The other day as we were driving somewhere, my 5 year old foster daughter must have asked me for the 10th time in as many minutes, where we were going. I said to her, honey, do you know how to drive? I didn't think so, all you need to know is that you are with me and that is where you should be. We will get to where we are going when we get there at the right time. I was of course frustrated at that point, but as I spoke, I felt convicted. How many times do I ask God....Where am I going, what is happening next? When will I get there where you want me to be? Wow, almost like He was answering me through my answer to her. Be still my child and know that I am God. Know that if you are with Me, who can be against you?

Yes, the lessons I am learning through this journey He has placed me on. Thank you Lord for this journey you have allowed me to be on!

Ahhh...yes, now I remember!

One of the most important lessons I think I have learned on this journey is simply this:

"It is not about me."

That being said, I am human and unfortunately, it is a phrase that is often forgotten in the midst of this thing we call life. Among all the outings, appointments, church services, work, sleep and everything in between...it is lost.

I find myself often sitting back as if I am viewing someone else's life and wondering if "I" am doing enough. Am "I" doing things right? Will "I" make the right decision? The answer to all of them is no if all of them are focused on "I".

John 3:16 - “For God so loved the world. . . .”

We must continually keep our soul open to the fact of God’s creative purpose, and never confuse or cloud it with our own intentions. If we do, God will have to force our intentions aside no matter how much it may hurt. A missionary is created for the purpose of being God’s servant, one in whom God is glorified. Once we realize that it is through the salvation of Jesus Christ that we are made perfectly fit for the purpose of God, we will understand why Jesus Christ is so strict and relentless in His demands. He demands absolute righteousness from His servants, because He has put into them the very nature of God.Beware lest you forget God’s purpose for your life.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

Thank you Tory, sorry God.

Kindergarten

Well, another school year has started, but this time I have a kindergartner. Seems strange to me...oddly fun and exciting...but yet strange. I guess that is because I never pictured myself having one again. I mean I had life all figured out! My child was grown, I was going to travel with my best friend and do what I wanted to do (emphasis on "I"). Wow, was that plan ever off...lol. But I know He has a plan for me every step of the way and a reason for why I have the children I do and He knows the lessons I need to learn. Maybe I need to be more like a Kindergartner...

The old saying goes that everything I needed to know I learned in Kindergarten. So trustful at that tender age of our caregivers. We learn to be accepting of others, sharing, caring, how to stand in line and wait your turn, speak nicely to people. At this age, they are such sponges, sucking up everything you say and do wanting to please you. They want to learn more and more and explore with excitement what is around them.

Well, why should I be any different for our Father in heaven? Sometimes we get so lost and tied up in this grown up world that we forget the basics. Isn't that what we learned back in kindergarten? The basics?

Be kind to one another, be accepting of each other. Stand in line and wait your turn, follow directions. Care about others around you. Let your speech be as sweet as pie lest you have to eat your own words...ahh yes the basics.

So next time someone is rude to you, has road rage, or is simply not being nice, remember, you learned the basics. Let your light shine for Him that you may be a beacon of His love for others to see!

The Agony and the Ecstasy

Ahh the moment you have been waiting for is here. The children you have been caring for are going to their forever home, either to the parents or a relative or perhaps to strangers willing to adopt. Whatever the case may be, the longer the child has been with you, the harder it is to let them go. This is the day you have been looking forward to for them, and yet, there is this urge to hold onto them.

I would say that one if the most often questions I am asked is "how can you just give them back?" honestly, up until recently, I had no problem giving them back to where it is God had placed them forever. I mean seriously, I have a 21 year old living in my home that I raised by myself, the thought of doing THAT again is NOT appealing. However, I find myself wondering these days why I had such a hard time letting go of the last two. Is is because I had them so long? Or did I miss God's direction? I pray it was because I had them so long, and here is why I believe that to be true.

Even now, as Wendy travels at this moment with her child that she has had for 2 years, I am crying at my desk. These kids become such a part of our lives, that even though she is going to be with a relative where I am sure she will be very happy, and I am happy for her, it hurts my heart. I know those of you that know me, think I do not cry much, and that is true. But these kids...they wrentch my heart out sometimes.

I think part of it is the ones that need us the most, are the hardest to let go of, even in the best of circumstances. They come to us so broken, so emotionally desolate. Like a rose that has been trampled on and crushed under the weight of their parents bad choices. We take them into our lives, teach them, model Godly behavior for them, watch them grow, learn healthy attachments and learn what unconditional love is. When they leave, I believe a small piece of us goes with them.

Why do you keep doing it you ask? Well, I know with all my heart and soul God has asked me to. I want to be obedient to my Savior. I want His will be done, not mine. The more lives I can touch for His kingdom, the better off we will all be.

Coaster Ride

I had a visit from a great friend of mine yesterday. She reminded me of the passion I have for this mission field I am in. I can not tell you what a great breath of fresh air she was to me!

Remember when you were younger and you would ride a new roller coaster? The butterflies you felt wondering what ti was going to be like, would you enjoy it and most of all would you do it again? Well, foster care is kind of like that. There are days I think I am insane and that when my current placements go home, I am DONE! God has such a compassion and treats us with such grace and loving kindness, okay and A LOT of humor. He always sends me the right people, articles, smiles or hugs that melt me into wondering why I would ever think of doing anything else.

It is like a coaster though with the ups and downs the happy and the sad the frustrating and the joyous. That is why I know it takes a village to raise a child. Without the love and support of not only my family, but my friends and my church as well as other churches and foster parents, I could not do this. When the system throws you a curve, you've got them to pull you out of it.

I have a vision for this mission field that I am in, a vision of grandeur where every child lives in a Christian home receiving not only the fundamentals of life, but the fundamentals of eternal life that they can pass on to their parents or guardians or forever families, which ever may be the case for them. A vision where our lights shine so brightly for Christ that those around us in the world can not help but take notice and want to be a part of what is going on at Knott Avenue Christian Church. There they will encounter a support group called The Village and families as well as a church that are committed to the support, recovery and eternal life of each child and family they come in contact with.

C'mon, don't you remember riding that coaster with your eyes squeezed shut, arms straight in the air and mouth wide open screaming for joy? It is safe, the coaster is on the tracks, you don't need to know anything else! Christ is your coaster, He will keep you safe and on the right track through all the ups and downs, turns, hills and valleys. What are you waiting for? Get in!

Didn't see it coming

Sometimes I wonder about my sanity in this foster care world. I mean, now I have a 2 year old, a one year old and a one week old...who signs up for that! It will be an interesting time, no doubt about it.

You may be wondering what time it was that I wondered about my sanity...well the time when you ask yourself, what am I doing and why am I doing it? Is this really part of your plan God, or am I some kind of pathetic foster mom. As I am getting up every 2-3 hours in the middle of the night is when these things occur to me and I think, wow, am I doing His plan or following my own agenda? Sometimes I wonder. From somewhere I feel Him tell me it is right...almost a whisper and I feel peace. I am able to get up in the morning and do what needs to be done. I feel a little tired, but I know that He can carry me through and I take ahold of that and don't let go. As for the why...that is simple, to be the lamp unto their feet as He has called me to do.

So here I sit at my desk wondering again what I was thinking. All I know is that God has a plan and if I keep driving on His road and listening to His directions of where to turn, stop and accelerate, then there is no dead end for me, only my final destination next to Him. Some days, that is all I have to hang on to.....

Monday Monday

Well today I was one of the people I love to hate, as embarassing as it is. I lead a crazy life of running. There is always something to do or somewhere to go. Today was no exception! At work there was a crew installing new windows, a crew installing a new carport roof, a crew digging for new paver stones, a crew doing remodels on units, a crew painting the buildings and then regular maintenance things. Then the digging crew hit the gas line....wow what a mess. Not only then did I have all those workers, but now I have to shut off everyone's gas. Now can I tell you that I had SO many people calling me telling me that their stoves were not working. I had to laugh. You get the idea of my crazy day. I went to pick up my foster daughter at 6p.m. and decided to get a little grocery shopping done since my foster baby was with his parents. We are taking it easy inside the store just trying to unwind while I shop, buying baby food and some stuff for the nights dinner. I get into line and start loading onto the belt and I hear this man behind me grumble about people getting into this line with more than 15 items. I instantly felt my face flush as I stood straight up and looked at the aisle I was in. Sure enough, I had done it. I was now one of the people I loved to hate. In my complete dazed state, I had gotton into the express lane with my 25-30 items, mostly baby food. I instantly began to apologize and frantically tried to look around for a solution. His only comment was, " well you are already here now." I felt REALLY bad. How could I be so in la la land that I was inconsiderate of others around me? Then, as my face was still burning red with embarassment, it hit me as I walked to the car. How many times are we so involved in our own world that we miss the divine opportunities God presents to us? All I had to do was look up from my own life to see the BIG white sign that said Express Lane 15 items or less. Sometimes we become so enveloped in our own problems and what we have going on that we forget the master plan He has. That plan is to save sinners. They are all around us all we have to do is look up from our own plans to follow His plan. Oh, and don't forget to bring your umbrella ;)

Bring Your Umbrella

It was missions week for our church this past week. What an awesome time to realize that there is more going on than just each of our own little lives. Mike Carman delivered a great sermon for everyone, but something really struck me to the core.

When you pray, do you bring your umbrella? What do I mean by that, well I mean when you pray, do you expect God sized results? I think too often we pray for something or someone and don't really expect anything to happen. It got me thinking, what is the purpose of prayer if there is no faith to go along with it? I am often in charge of closing prayer for different group I am involved in, so I have the honor and priviledge to bring to the Lord everyones requests. He constanly amazes me with answered prayer, but sometimes, I will admint, it feels a bit like just goin through the motions. All that changed for me after hearing what the Lord wanted me to know through Mike. I just kept thinking of that phrase all day long...did you bring your umbrella? I believe that most of us do not, including myself. Last night in our support group for foster and adoptive children, we had a prayer request time. After everyone had shared, I closed and brought forth all the requests that had been made. By the time I had finished, everyone, including me, was in tears. The passion and faithfulness that I felt during this time was surreal. I truely felt His presences during this time, as if He was leaning over near me with His hand on my shoulder. Everyone was pouring out emotion from their hearts for not only their request, but the others around them, coming together as one to beseech the Lord for intervention and expecting God sized results. It was not a matter of oh hey can you make this happen, it was tearful and heart wrenching prayer for what we were asking our God to do. I will forever change the way I pray after hearing that sermon and how I felt during that time when I was praying for the group. When 300 people show up to gather for a prayer meeting to end a drought and only one small child shows up with an umbrella, there is a problem with your prayer expectations. So I ask you...when you prayed, did you bring your umbrella?

The Learning Curve

In August of 2008, the property I managed was finally sold to new owners as well as a new management company after being on the market for close to 2 years. It was a very stressful and anxious time for me. I did not know if I would have a job and if not, then where to live as my home was tied to my employement. It was a long 2 years of uncertainty and wondering. I tried to be faithful and trusting, but that human side just kept coming out. Try as I would to let God have it, I would find myself with it right back in my lap. I remember the day the new company took over how overwhelemed and alone I felt, but God knew the plans he had for me. Don't get me wrong, everyone was so nice and understanding at the new company, but when you have worked for the same company for 14 years, it is hard to switch gears, even when you are not happy in your current situation. It is hard to tune out Satan's taunts when you are surrounded by them in the work place.



Not only did the new company hire my staff on in August, but I also won an all expense paid, 7 day Princess cruise to the Mexican Riviera for myself and a guest! The property has never looked better, and I am happy at the job I have been doing for 15 years now. This company makes me feel like they care about not only the property I manage for them, but me the person. They care about what I am doing and how I can be a better me.



God continues to use this situation to show me His uncompromising faithfulness to me. He used every opportunity to ease my pain and fill me with His peace once I let Him have it all. At a time in my life filled with such uncertainty for such a long period of time, and all I had to do was let Him carry me through it. Once I truely gave it to Him, I felt such peace.


Today, as I have returned from the cruise with my best friend Wendy, I am reflecting on those days and days of wondering what would happen to me. I needed only to read Jeremiah 29:11,



For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future."



How awesome to know that He not only has plans for me, but that I will prosper and not be harmed. He knows what we need and when we need it! All those days of worry wasted. For He says in Matthew 6:27,



Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?

The cruise was fabulous a a blessing in itself for 2 foster parents needing a break to just be. Wendy and I just enjoyed the days watching people, talking, sleeping and of course eating. We were able to see a part of the world that we would not have seen or experienced otherwise. Again, He knew what we needed and when we would need it AND gave it to us. It was a time to re-charge for the next battles He wold have us fight at home, new callenges He would have us overcome.

What a blessing it has all been. I would not trade one day. It is all part of His plan for my life to help further His kingdom and reach His people. I now not only read the bible, but internalize it. Trying to pull forth His power in my life by recalling the scripture I read. Reading it isn't enough, you need to BELIEVE it and LIVE it.

Looking Back to Go Forward

So as I read other people's blogs, I begin to wonder why I don't have one. So here it goes.



It is an incredible experience to look over your shoulder and see where God placed you in order to get you where he wanted you to be in this very moment of your life. I truely believe I would not have believed anyone who would have told me that the events in my life in the last 2 years would be taking place. I am certain that I would have laughed at them and thought they were crazy, but God knew.



I am amazed every time I think of what He has let me be a part of. The people I have met, the lives I have touched and the lives that have touched me. Who am I that He would have me do something so great fro Him? I am an ordinary woman whom God called to do extrodinary things for His glory.



At work they asked us where we saw ourselves in 5 years. I pondered this for quite sometime and came to the conclusion that I don't know. I never thought I would be where I am, so how can I know what He has planned for me in the next 5 years?! I was a woman who did not pray out loud and now weekly close the bible study I co-lead in prayer. I had a daughter going to college and thought I would be traveling the world and now I have fostered 7 children in 2 years. I was a woman who had a fear of public speaking and now I have spoken about foster care on at least 5 occasions to audiences of strangers. The growing and stretching I have experienced is incredible to me. I look around and wonder how I got here, but I know how, God carried me because I could not do it alone. He provided a village of people to love and support me through everything. I am excited to see what he has planned for me next.